I'm writing this post because a friend of mine posed this question on her Facebook page.
This is what I wrote as my response
"A
best friend is someone you have when you're young and in school...the
person you sit with at lunch and talk on the phone with after school to
do a post mortem of the days' events. When you're young your best
friend is like your other half...you get jealous
when they hang out with other kids, you expect them to have your back
no matter what. When you get older your best friend becomes your oldest
friend who's more like family because they know the history of your
life better than anyone else. But instead of a best friend, I think as
adults we have a circle of close friends...each one shares a different
aspect of ourselves. Like our Mommy friends that we discuss our children
with, or our work friends that we discuss our jobs with, or our school
friends that we reminisce with. Instead of only having one best friend,
we have many. And when you're older you realize the value of good
honest people much more and you start collecting them and your circle of
friends keeps growing and growing."
But in reality, I really could have written a lot more about it, but I didn't want to flood her wall with my ramblings. That's what a blog is for!
The friend who posed the question is my oldest friend. I've known her since I was six years old and in that thirty years of friendship, we've had a bit of a rollercoaster ride (primarily in the adolescent years), but as our hormones settled down and came into our own, we've realized that we are like family. I have two brothers and she is the closest thing I will ever have to a sister. We've laughed together, cried together, cried because of each other, fought and fought, had periods of silence, and in the end, it was always ok, because we are like family.
The funny thing, is that when I was a teenager, I did believe that you had to have a best friend, a kindred spirit who understood everything about you and would defend you not matter what etc etc. I was an angry kid who didn't see a lot of good in the world, and having friends meant having people to commiserate with about how crappy things were, and who validated my view of things and told me what I wanted to hear. Now that I'm all grown up, I don't need a best friend to validate me, or tell me what I'm doing is right or wrong. I can do that for myself now.
And the longer I'm alive, the more aware I am of how many amazing people there are in the world.
Through friends, through school, and through work, I meet amazing people every day. People who are forthright, honest, funny, open, caring and the list goes on and on. I never imagined in my tormented childhood that I would have the good fortune to be friends with so many wonderful people.
So I fancy myself a collector, but of people. When I meet someone who I connect with, I add them to my collection. I count myself lucky everyday to have the circle of friends that I do. Instead of one best friend, I have many close friends and even though we're all busy adults and can rarely see each other, I take every opportunity I can to keep in touch and let them know how awesome I think they are just for being themselves.
