Years ago when I was a photographer, I was mildly obsessed with capturing the perfect image. I loved photographs because no matter what else was happening around you, if you captured one perfect still image, it gave the illusion that life at the time was also perfect.
For my wedding I gave much more time to the photographer than the videographer. I wanted to be able to look back and think of the wedding day as perfection (which it wasn't) and I didn't want to have all the ugly moments played back again on video.
Now as a mother, I've been converted. While I love to take photos of my children, I also need to capture their life on video: to hear their voices and watch their faces change expression. I want to hear their squeals of laughter and see them singing and dancing. These days are fleeting and I'll never get them back.
I've also realized that my focus on photography was also about freezing time. And in a lot of ways I was so involved in freezing moments that I forgot to experience them...or else I had the limited experience of being behind the camera. Maybe because of my childhood, I was also afraid that the beauty of my life would soon fade, so better catch the good times now...they'll be gone soon.
But as my life evolves and my children grow, I'm learning that happiness isn't going to fade and crumble like a stale cookie. Happiness starts within us, and if I choose, I can live in this state until the end of my life.
So I've started to focus more on experiencing my children and my life wholly. I spend less time behind the camera and more time laughing with my boys, giving them hugs and kisses. I obsess less with getting the perfect image and obsess more with making their lives full of love and happiness. And while I still take pictures and videos if they are in a show or doing something exceptionally cute...I make sure to peek out from behind the camera, to catch the action in full real life view.
